If you lay a finger on my boob one more time, I'm going to cut it off and flush it down the toilet. 


Okay so maybe this pregnant, hormone crazed woman won't actually do that, but damn she sure is thinking it. No one better lay a finger on my pregnant boobies and tender as hell nipples. Not even a shirtless Channing Tatum in leather pants can come near them (however he can totally dance for me). 


They just hurt that bad. 

I don't know about you, but sometimes those men we are with are thick headed and don't understand the concept of "tender nipples" during pregnancy. Quite honestly I didn't even fully understand the concept of it until this pregnancy (I didn't want to cut his finger off so much in the first one). It's amazing that our bodies can come up with all of these crazy symptoms during pregnancy. From sore boobs to an insane ability to smell things and swollen feet to odd cravings, our bodies are pretty cray cray during this time (but in the best way way). 

I mean for starters it just doesn't make sense that pregnant women are more prone to want to have more sex during pregnancy but then have sore, tender nipples to go along with it. That's kind of like bringing a dog to a pet store and not letting him have the free treats at checkout. Who does that? Such a tease, eh?!

As hubby and I sat on the sofa this weekend watching episode after episode of The Big Bang Theory, he thought it was sweet and flirty to keep trying to catch a feel and a little "honk honk" (I suppose he was hoping for a big bang himself). I on the other hand didn't think it was so sweet and was literally ready to jump out of my skin. I mean, I know my boobs are nice and he can't resist them (insert sarcastic laughter) but dude, even I can't bathe myself at night without getting annoyed at them. And don't get mad at me when I don't want you to touch them because they are tender. Remember, it takes two to tango and it took two to make these bad boys tender.   

One day soon these bad boys of mine will nourish yet another little life and do the amazing super hero things that they are meant to do. They will go up about two cup sizes and gain about two more stretch marks and hurt for a totally different reason soon. Until then though, these little suckers are staying locked up until the tender, annoying feeling is gone. So in other words until then, your puppy is just going to have to miss out on these free treats. 

Better luck next time dude. 


And, who can relate?