When you're preparing for motherhood people tell you how much your life will change when your baby arrives, but they don't quite tell you all of the facts. There's so much about being a mother that you truly don't understand until you actually become a mother. Raise your hand if your mother ever said, "You'll understand one day when you have kids of your own." Well I am raising my hand and yes mama, I now understand. 

No one can prepare you for everything that you feel as a mother. The expression, "I love you so much it hurts" actually has meaning as a mother. You do love your child so much that it hurts. It hurts in a good way of course, but then there is this little pang of ache that makes you feel every sort of emotion possible. 

As a mother you feel fear, worry and concern and probably countless other emotions in that category (not to mention the amazing and joyous emotions you feel). Your heart yearns to know that your child will have a long, healthy life and that you and their father will be there along the way to see it all. You worry that you won't be able to protect them from all of the bad things and that you may not do a good job of teaching them about how to avoid or handle those bad things. 

No one tells you that while you rock your baby quietly in the dark, in the middle of the night, that you'll just rock and rock holding them close and praying the same prayers every night. Thanking God for this amazing flesh and blood that you created and asking Him over and over to protect it. 

No one tells you how you'll rock effortlessly wondering and dreaming about the person they will become, the person they will marry and the success they will achieve. No one tells you how you pray then that you'll be there for the whole ride by their side. Your heart aches to know that your precious baby will be a healthy, compassionate individual in this world; that they will be okay. You make a silent vow to yourself each night to do your best to raise and protect that individual and make sure that they are indeed okay. 

As a mother, especially a new mother, people are going to share with you the unsolicited advice that you didn't ask for and they are going to give their opinions that you take in stride. They are going to tell you to soak it up and enjoy it because it goes fast, but they are never going to tell you the whole truth. 

That you will love this baby so much it hurts. 

That your heart will overflow with so much love that you're just swimming by in a sea of warmth and utter joy with ships of fear and concern passing you by. 

God is in control no doubt, but I'll still sit here each and every night rocking effortlessly in the dark asking him to keep this little soul of mine safe and sound. I'll hold her close, kiss her sweetly and whisper my prayers softly. I can only do so much and I'll try my absolute best...but in the end...He's got this. 

My little soul and I.

What's your description of your 
emotions as a mother?

Thanks for reading, Sasha