Motherhood – The Mushy Mommy

When You Want to Lock Your Family in a Bubble

By Sasha Savoy
on June 15, 2016

When You Want to Lock Your Family in a Bubble

There are days when I open my phone, and scroll my newsfeed and instantly regret checking Facebook. News headlines and tragedies sit in front of me, daily, while I log onto what is supposed to be a fun site for me to visit and interact with friends. 

Just in about a month's time, I've learned of two elementary students in our area in the same school both diagnosed with cancer; I've read the Stanford rape letter; I learned about a father who accidentally left his eight month old in the car; I've learned about the fatal shooting of a young singer; we all know about the recent mass shooting in Orlando and then the third strategy strike for Orlando - a child was dragged off of a beach near Disney by a gator. A small, innocent two year old on vacation is now currently being searched for by helicopters in dark waters as I write this post. 

My stomach hurts. My eyes sting. And my chest is tight. 

Those babies...every last one of them. From the baby in the car to the fifty deaths in Orlando, those were ALL someone's baby. 

No one EVER said motherhood was going to be this tough. I may have been warned about sleepless nights and baby poop, but I was never warned about this. No one warns you about how tragedy that unfolds in your community or even far away within your country, makes you want to curl into a ball with your children while building a bubble around you to keep you there for FOREVER. I mean, there's Amazon and Netflix and I can make milk from almonds...so we can survive, right? 

But, I'll go ahead and say it. I'm the mom who goes to bed sometimes and wonders if these tragedies will ever strike me. I'm the mom who wonders why we are all tucked safely into our beds when another mother is searching for her two year old in the waters right now. I'm the mom who questions everything at times, simply because I'm scared.  

I know we are not supposed to question; we are supposed to have faith. We are supposed to believe. We are supposed to put all of our faith in the big man in the clouds (as I teach my daughter) and pray that he hears our cries, our pleas and our prayers. That he hears how badly we want to see our child graduate preschool, go to prom and get married one day. He hears how much we want our children to become parents of their own so they can experience this unconditional love that is so indescribable, and we even hope that he hears our prayers that we'll be able to witness it all too. 

So while I seriously, and I mean seriously, want to lock the doors and keep us in a bubble, I know that I can't. This world that God created is too beautiful for that and my babies deserve to feel the grass, chase the butterflies and see the views that are far and near. 

When I gave birth, I didn't just push out a cute, squishy little human. I birthed out an unconditional love. I delivered my heart right there for the world to see.

You see, my heart has legs, ten toes and ten fingers. Times two. My hearts are thankfully tucked warmly into their beds right now. And for that Father, I thank you. 

 Kiss them goodnight, hold them tight, close the door and pray. And pray for all the babies too. Pray for your baby and her baby and for every mama's baby. 

That's all we can do. We can't live in fear and we certainly can't live in bubbles (welllll we probably could if we really wanted). We can just have faith. So whether you believe in God or believe in the sun and the stars, it doesn't matter. We just have to believe and have faith that our prayers, our wishes and/or our pleas are heard. 

Someone, somewhere hears them. And for me, that someone is God. 

So, I just have to have faith. 

And perhaps I can just check my newsfeed a little less. 

 

(If you enjoyed this post, please like us on Facebook as we have many fun things coming with a brand new blogging site in addition to our store site. And thank you for sharing this post. XO).  

Why I am Crunchy

By Sasha Savoy
on June 07, 2016

Why I am Crunchy

I think it is pretty fair to say that our generation of mothers has three good categories: the ones who could care a less about being crunchy, the in-between-kinda sorta crunchy and the I'm always trying to be as crunchy as possible

Oh wait, are you unsure what the term crunchy means? Well it means, granola, earthy, natural, organic, different, real... It's those moms screaming breastfeeding rights and sipping on almond milk chia smoothies while using non toxic products. 

Okay, so sort of. 

So who are you and why does it matter? 

I'm hear today to tell you why I AM who I am. Why I fall in more so into that category of always trying to be as crunchy as possible, or in other words, always looking to live as naturally as possible. 

I'm not living my life this way to prove a point. I'm not better than you and I'm not trying to even pretend that I am. However, I may be trying to make a statement but only for a cause that I believe in - GOOD HEALTH. 

You see, I believe in living the way I do because well, I want to live a long time. Of course that may mean nothing to you if you don't occasionally read the current research on foods, chemicals and what not. And of course it means absolutely nothing if you don't "buy that garbage" and that's totally cool too. To each their own. 

But let's think about something -- 15 years ago the term organic in the food industry was pretty unheard of. You didn't walk into the local grocery store and have organic, gluten free or vegan options like you do now. You didn't have skin care products with "natural" ingredients and you didn't really have restaurants with paleo options and dairy free cakes. 

WHY?

Because research is continually evolving and studies are continuously done that are repeatedly proving and showing just how harmful SO many of our products and foods are here in the US. Unfortunately unlike so many other countries, our government doesn't really care so much about us to govern and monitor the toxins we are exposed to. Don't believe me? Well then explain why only four ingredients are banned in US cosmetics but there are well over 1,000 banned in Europe. #mindblown

So next time you see someone sharing their post about healthy sunscreen for their children, almond milk smoothies for the family or sharing the latest place to find inexpensive organic produce, don't judge them. They are not trying to outdo you. They are not trying to say, "Look at me, I'm a good mom." 

They are just joining the uprising of people who want to take control of their health. They are part of the revolution to bring us back to a time where we are not so processed and tainted. They are trying to make a healthier future for their family and planet and in the process, they are hoping to possibly enlighten others. 

So if you ever wondered why there's so many of us now and why you can't escape the occasional Facebook post about toxic sunscreens, then now you know. And let me also add that many (myself included) do NOT claim to be perfect. Catch me at Target one day and you're bound to find a few processed items that shouldn't be in my cart. And yes, we are fully aware that even the air we breathe can be toxic, BUT the air within our homes should not have to be (FACT: the air inside of a home is more toxic than the air outside). 

(And side note, there are some crunchy mamas out there who think they are better than others, but there's mamas like that no matter what category they are in)

So there you have it. Yes, I am a crunchy mom who does like to buy all organic foods and who cloth diapers and is pro breastfeeding and loves essential oils, blah blah blah. But I am just a mama who is trying to live a long life for myself and mostly for my children. I'm a mama whose deathly afraid of the term cancer (a term that pops up frequently in my family) and who believes we can change our lives by changing our ways. I believe that medicine doesn't only heal but that food and lifestyles can as well. I'm a mama who loves to research, who loves the latest facts and you loves to share a wealth of knowledge with those I love - YOU. 

But at the end of the day, I'm just a mama like you. I love and care for my children just as much as you. You and I are equal, no one is greater. We're just doing this thing called life as best as we can. If being crunchy or natural isn't for you, then that's totally okay, it doesn't mean that we don't have a lot of other awesome things in common too. 

So whichever category that you fit into, I hope that we can still be friends. And perhaps we can teach each other a thing or two. We can learn from each other and we can bond over the mishaps and joys of motherhood. 

That's what the sisterhood of motherhood is for. (I think that's a thing, right?)

Waking Up Daily as Mama

By Sasha Savoy
on May 27, 2016

Waking Up Daily as Mama

We wake up each day to the sounds of little baby cries or to the feeling of a toddler's foot in our face. We wake up groggy and not completely refreshed, because unfortunately our night of sleep was completely hap hazard due to a few nighttime feedings (and those toddler feet that crept into our bed). Yet, we wake up and we are ready to tackle the day no matter how weak our coffee is or how heavy our eyes are. 

We make the triangle shaped pancakes that are not good enough because triangles are not hearts. We then heat up the instant oatmeal because after enough tears and tantrums, we *occasionally* give in. I mean, we know that gluten free, sugar pancake batter probably didn't taste too good anyway. 

We clean the kitchen up and wipe sticky hands ALL.DAY.LONG. I'm pretty sure the true testament to knowing that someone has kids is that the kitchen rarely ever stays clean. What am I saying though, the house rarely stays clean. That's a true testament to having kids. 

We balance the mornings of trying to make ourselves look a little decent, all while having a baby stick her hands in the toilet and a toddler smash your best eye shadow from Sephora. We answer the "We can go play after mommy gets dressed" question around 31 times in ten minutes and every time we answer it we feel a little less like supermom. I mean, can't supermom get it ALL done without ever feeling guilty?

Finally after kitchen cleanup, teeth brushing and eye shadow massacres, we make our way outside to play fairies and princesses. We swing and we think about how awesome we are doing. Until that is, that we remember we forgot to put the sunscreen on, the baby just shit herself and the toddler's shoes are on the wrong feet. Ten minutes after fairy play and we are back inside to tackle the forgotten and overlooked (and pooped) tasks of motherhood. So much for feeling like a boss...

Lunch time is no different than breakfast time. One day blueberries are the shit and the next day they are tiny little monsters with evil eyes. And again, we clean the kitchen up. We ponder over the thought of tonight's dinner, because well, cooking with kids is not always easy and that requires more kitchen cleanup. 

Building castles and folding clothes becomes a normal, a multitasking normal, just like scrubbing toilets with a baby clinging to you. Nap time is a sacred time that moms all around the world Thank God for every day. And moms of more than one who get their babies to nap at the same time, cry tiny tears of joy each and every time. It's that damn special. 

Somehow, the time after naps is met with trying to tackle ALL the things we didn't yet do, and manage cooking dinner and mixing more outside play in. Maybe even a little puzzle building, sight words review and coloring will happen to because after all, we have to help these little beings learn. We balance brushing Barbie's hair while stirring the pot of whatever homemade goodness we could come up with. Because I mean, aren't children supposed to have homemade food and not boxed food with overly processed ingredients? Sigh. 

We want to do it all, conquer it all and somehow still remain sane while doing it. We have to be it ALL for everyone. We have to be there for our husbands whether it's emotionally, physically or intimately. We have to be there for our children day and night, no matter if we stay at home, work at home or work away from home. No matter what, mama ALWAYS has the answer. Mama is the cure to the booboos, the cure to the teething baby and the one who knows how to braid Barbie's hair. Mama is the one who usually scrubs the dishes after everyone is asleep and mama is the one who makes sure everyone has clean clothes to wear tomorrow. 

We are stretched to our limits sometimes. We are worn thin, we are completely exhausted and sometimes we feel like we simply can't be enough for everyone (ya know, like when your husband wants to "canoodle" for like the third time this week and you just want to sleep). 

We can't ever seem to play enough with our children because well, crap has to get done sometimes. The cries of a toddler wanting nothing more than mommy to play with them, as mom tries to balance it all, is possibly the worst of all cries. The feeling of defeat, and the feeling of waving our little white flag in surrender is always on the brink of approaching. 

Yet, we do it. We wake up each day as Mama and we tackle it. We may not always do it with a smile first thing in the morning after two hours of sleep, or do it with a lot of grace, but we do it. We may be impatient at times, we may feel like a failure at times and we may even feel like a supermom at others (those are the good times). 

That's the beauty of waking up as Mama. 

Because each day that we wake up to those smiling faces who depend on us SO much, we realize that our imperfections and our faults are not held against us. These little humans we are raising are happy each and every day to see us, to cuddle us and to play with us. They forgive us easily and they embrace us at our weakest. They save us day in and day out from thinking we are failing them. And with each new thing they learn or word they say, they remind us that time is fleeting and that one day, we WILL miss all of the craziness that these days bring. 

Each day that we wake up as Mama, is a blessing. It's a gift, it's a job and it's a challenge. But it is the best gift we've ever been given, the most important job we will ever have and it's the challenges that will teach us about God's grace, his mercy and his forgiveness. 

Kids, I'm so happy to be your exhausted, abundtantly joyful, occasionally impatient and never perfect mother. My cup runneth over. 

 

Wild and Free

By Sasha Savoy
on May 18, 2016

Wild and Free

Wild and free.

What does it mean to you when you think of the expression used in relation to our children today? Do you think of "free range parenting" where you bring your child to the park and let them run completely free without making sure they don't fall off the slide or run out of the entrance? Or do you think of a wild child who needs to be tamed with discipline or medication? Or perhaps you think of an annoying episode with a child who is too loud or too rambunctious? Or a kid with a stick who is pretending their stick is a magical wand while they hunt for bears in the "forest" in their rain boots? Or maybe you just think of a kid having fun and being free. There are so many ways that the term can be used and interpreted. 

When I think of the expression wild and free, I think of the kid with the stick. 

I think of a child with a vivid imagination who is running through a few trees and pretending they are chasing fairies and bears. I think of a child who has mud on their clothes and dirt under their nails. I think of a child who is allowed to be a child without being hindered by the fear of getting dirty, making a mess or being disruptive. I think of a child who isn't held back with a label or made tame with a medication.

A child whose imagination and spirit runs wild. 

A child who is free in the universe of fairies, trains, bears, cookies and make believe. 

A child who is free to explore, free to play and free to be a child

Wild and free means to me, that children are being children without distractions. They are given guidance, discipline, boundaries and ideas in the simplest and best manner we know how, but not enough to tame them from exploring the world and being a child. 

Wild and free means we don't worry about muddy feet jumping in mud puddles or spots of dirt on our little girl's clothes, as those are just moments of a wonderful childhood. We don't fret over the spilled milk or the drawings that made their ways onto the walls from a little soul who didn't know any better. 

It's not about shuffling them from extra curricular activity to another one constantly then running home to do homework before bed, each and every school night. Where are the days of coming home from school and playing until the sun goes down for a little while? Where are the days of coming home and putting on play clothes after a lesson of homework and a yummy snack have taken place?

Wild and free means running through the garden hose instead of playing a video game or creating a fort instead of sitting on the sofa. It's the task of feeding the imagination and the world of play. It's acting like you, the parent, are a five year old again as you run through the sprinklers in your clothes with your children after work. 

That's wild and free. 

It isn't letting your children just go wild. And it surely isn't about giving them loads of freedom that can harm or misguide them without some sort of boundaries, but it is all about being wild and free with every moment you can. 

As adults we like to say that life is too short not to "live it up." Just remember, that while the days are long, the years are short with our children. Let's let our children "live it up" and enjoy the summer days, the afternoon rain showers, the dirt and the blanket forts. Let's let them be children of the yester years more often than letting them be children of the electronic, busy modern life. Those things are great for quiet times here and there or for sick, rainy days, but when the suns out and the birds are chirping, let's be free.

As parents there are too many things to worry about as we go along. Did we choose the right foods for our children, did we discipline the right way, is our kid's birthday party fancy enough to keep up with the Pinterest pins we see and did our kid's come home to a gluten free, soy free homemade cookie. There is simply too much to ponder at times, so just remember to let them be little and to enjoy it with them. If we are screwing up in other areas of parenthood, at least we can run through the sprinklers with them (and chances are that you're totally not screwing up). 

Let's remember to let our children be children. Let's let them be Wild and Free as they enjoy their childhood and their sunny days. Let's let them be the Kings, Gypsies, Fairies, Teachers, Doctors and Mommies of tomorrow. 

After all, they only have one childhood to remember, and we only have now to run through the sprinklers with our babies. 

Enjoy it, Mama.  

The Hour After the Kids go to Bed (In Mom's World)

By Sasha Savoy
on May 03, 2016

The Hour After the Kids go to Bed (In Mom's World)

Ahhhhh. The kids are in bed, the hubby is in bed and I've already showered. It's like a mini party here all for myself. Let's see...what will I do?

Do I catch up on some work? Take care of some much needed housework? Nah, that's just dumb. Hmmm, maybe I can finish reading that book I started six months ago. I think I'm pretty far into it, like I'm on chapter 3 or something. That's not that bad. Or maybe I can watch The Voice; I'm pretty sure I only missed last week's episode. Let me check the DVR...oh wait, damn, I missed two weeks of episodes. Crap. How have two weeks passed without me watching ANY of this? 

Well I guess before I do that I should finish cleaning the kitchen. I just need to clean the pots in the sink. Or do I? I mean, is it really that bad if I leave a few pots in the sink? It's just some dried up pasta in there. It's not like the kitchen is a mess. There's just dishes in the sink. 

But does that make me a bad mom? Or what if I'm a bad wife for doing that? Hmm, maybe the hubby will get grossed out by me leaving a few pots in the sink. Or maybe a roach will come. Crap, I better clean this up. Dammit. 

Speaking of pasta, what the heck am I going to cook tomorrow night? I'm pretty sure there isn't anything to cook. Oh boy, that means it's grocery day tomorrow! Here I come Target! I have a date with Tar-je' people and I can't wait. I'll get my Starbucks, give the girls some puffs to entertain them and browse endlessly like I'm on a huge spree. Ohhhh, maybe someone can watch the girls for me so I can go alone? Ha! Who I am kidding. Tomorrow is Wednesday and everyone else has work. 

"Work, work, work, work, work...," I hate that I think of this stupid song every time I hear the word "work." But it does make me wanna, "twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk..." 

Ha, speaking of twerking, I need a night out with the girls. Like the good ole' days! Maybe I'll text them all tomorrow to try and plan a night for this weekend. I'm pretty sure I'm free. Sure would be fun to get all dressed up and actually wear heels again!

Oh wait no, we have like three birthday parties. Dammit kids. 

Okay the dishes are clean. Now for that glass of wine. Do we have any cookies? Wait, no...that's why I gotta go to the store tomorrow! Let me start a shopping li...oh who am I kidding. I never remember to bring it. 

Shit it's already 10:30. How does that happen? Is there like some weird way that time speeds up after kids go to bed?!?!?!?! I swear there is! 

Wait what was that buzzer for? Oh yea, the clothes are dry. Well that's nothing...they can stay there all night. A little wrinkle never killed no body! Let me just double check the washer though to make sure it's empty. I'm pretty sure it is. And THEN I can sip my wine!

Wait, what! There's clothes in here. I don't even remember washing these. Well I guess I better pull them out. Where's the damn drying rack -- this will take foreverrrrrrrrrr. Or maybe I can just dry them in the dryer? But is that safe to dry clothes while we are sleeping? Isn't like a ton of house fires caused from dryers?!? Okay, where's the drying rack. Speaking of drying, I still need to go dry my hair! Ugh. It never ends. 

Okay now it's 11pm. Forget the wine, forget Adam Levine and forget it all. This mama just wants to get into bed before midnight! I hear sleep calling my name!

Ohhhhh cool sheets are my favorite. Soooooo comfy, ah I am so exhausted! The kids sure were a handful today. They so damn cute though. Gosh I love them. I think my heart will explode sometimes! Awe, I kinda miss the little punks. Like I really wanna get some kisses. Too bad I can't sneak any right now, but I wouldn't take that chance of waking them! Hells no. 

(TWO MINUTES LATER)

Wait, what was that....

Was that a kid? 

Oh please don't be the baby. Please be the big kid. Please. Please. 

Wait, nooooooooo. 

It's the baby. O-M-G. Why?!?!

WHY ME?

Every night. This will take another hour! Go back to sleep PUH-LEASE.

Dear God, please hear my pleas. 

Why is she not going back to sleep? 

I give up. 

I'm coming baby. 

Laters, bed. 

 

 

20 Practical Mother's Day Gifts

By Sasha Savoy
on April 29, 2016

20 Practical Mother's Day Gifts

1. The small chance that we may be able to use the bathroom by ourselves while scrolling through Instagram in peace without having someone trying to sit in our lap or eating the toilet paper. 

2. The very rare opportunity to have twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep (uninterrupted sleep does not mean that we hear the baby crying in the next room for twenty minutes). 

3. A basket of our favorite chocolates, cookies, cakes and wine with a note that says, "Your post baby body is beautiful no matter what size it is, enjoy."

4. Perky boobs (but not fake ones because um, I mean we still have to nurse with them). 

5. A day of having breakfast, lunch and dinner fixed for us and all the little rugrats, complete with full kitchen cleanup after. In other words, we don't want to lift a finger. 

6. For someone to magically do all of the laundry (this includes folding and putting it away) OR for a hamper big enough to hide it all. 

7. For a self mopping and vacuuming robot. I mean, they make them, so why we don't have one yet is mind boggling. 

8. The ability to get all dressed up to go somewhere complete with a hot shower, painted nails and brushed hair all done without having little ankle biters, toilet paper eaters and bathroom cabinet diggers around. 

9. Money for us to buy new clothes with strict orders not to buy the kids anything. Because if you just give us money, chances are that the little shits will get more than we do. 

10. A fancy dinner complete with wine and chocolate covered strawberries and the note from #3; and of course #8 has to happen beforehand as well, otherwise there will be NO fancy dinner. 

11. A solo trip to Starbucks where we can read for hours. Or scroll through our phone...same shit. 

12. A whole day to chillax on the sofa indulging in Lifetime movies (or The Kardashians) while pigging out on the basket from number 3. Oh and you have to find someone to watch the kids please. 

13. A car key hook and cell phone nook. Because #mombrain.

14. A mute button for excessive whining (okay that's just a dream). Ear plugs are fine. 

15. A trip to the salon to cut and style our hair without being questioned when it takes allll day (because chances are we hid somewhere to either nap or er, chill at Starbucks).

16. A new car because baby gear, strollers, car seats and the like take up more space than we dreamed. Soooooo yea...

17. A night to hang with the girlfriends, but make sure you plan it with their husbands too because otherwise, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Trying to plan a girl's night when we all have kids is like trying to shovel snow during a snowstorm. 

18. A solo trip to Target. The Target in the next city that's an hour away. 

19.  A relaxing spa day...nah, what I am saying. Just give us those twelve hours of sleep please and we will LOOK and FEEL like we had a freaking spa day. 

20. A card...from you...and a craft from the kids. Because even if the baby is one, you better look like sticking her hand on something for me to keep. 

Okay, so obviously we really love our kids and our role as Mom. It's the best damn job ever and we don't take a day for granted. One day we know we will truly miss the chaos, the messy mornings and the middle of the night cuddles. There is no denying that those moments are so special and sacred. 

But to get real, many of us could use a small "breather" for ourselves every now and then. Motherhood isn't easy and having many little humans running around to take care of takes a lot from us. We love unconditionally and mother as best as we can daily. 

If you are stumped on what to get your baby mama for Mother's Day, these ideas will recharge her, revive her and beat out any dozen of roses around. So save your money and get her a real gift that she will love (and needs)!

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mamas around! It's right around the corner and we hope you get a wonderful day spent with those you love or spent alone to recharge! 

You deserve your special day! 

Thanks for all you do Mamas! 

 

 

A Letter to My Second Born

By Sasha Savoy
on April 14, 2016

A Letter to My Second Born

Dear sweet baby of mine, 

I thought I owed you this explanation to help shed some light on those first few weeks home with you. Perhaps it will explain some of the tears on my part and the silent woes that went unnoticed. 

I loved you infinitely from the moment you was a tiny speck on that ultrasound and I loved you even more the second I laid my eyes on you. Another beautiful baby born healthy and whole can make a mama feel on top of the world. You were perfect in every way. However, sometimes I don't think that I was nearly as perfect for you in those moments after your birth...

You were my second baby, the baby that I felt more prepared for and yet somehow I still was so unprepared for.

While I may have known about the basics of how to take care of you, like how to change a diaper in the dark or how to latch you on perfectly, I was still so unprepared to take care of you at the same time.

No one can truly prepare themselves for the adjustment that motherhood brings each and every time you bring new life into this world. 

There were so many things that I was unprepared for; like the attention seeking things your sister would do or the moments that I'd have two crying babies with tears in my own eyes. Or the moments of having one who wants to nurse and one who just spilled her juice all over her new dress. Or the frequent moments of one who clings to my leg for cuddles while I try and wash the dishes, with a toddler in the background who consistently begs to have a book read to her. No one can prepare you for how to handle these situations or how to navigate through them with a dry eye sometimes. 

But most of all, no one told me about the feelings that would flood over me after your arrival: feelings of anxiety, guilt and fear all mixed somehow with abundant elation and love. There were feelings of betraying your sister because now my heart was full for more than just her. And there were feelings of fear and anxiety over how I'd manage to divide my attention, my love and my care for the two of you all day long by myself. I suddenly felt like the most unprepared mother.

I suddenly felt like no blog post or book prepared me for this. 

Could I not love you equally as much? Could I not make you my whole world just as I did with the first? Couldn't you be my baby girl just like your big sister was and still is? Can't I have two baby girls that fill my heart up? Was I cheating on your sister for staring at you and thinking that you were the most beautiful baby ever?

Was I a bad mother for feeling these things?

These thoughts rambled in my head as I stared at you minutes after your beautiful arrival. And while it was likely just a few minutes, hour tops, those feelings still haunt me; simply because no one prepared me for them. I had no warning that the growing baby in my belly would arrive and wreak havoc on my emotions and make me doubt everything I thought I knew. I thought I was ready for this. I thought I was ready for a toddler and a baby and that I'd just automatically transition into it with ease. 

No one tells you about the guilt that you feel after you feel all of these emotions either. Guilt for thinking that maybe I couldn't love you as much as the first. Even if it was just for a second, that guilt eats me up when I think back to that beautiful day that you entered my life and how for a brief time here and there, that day was haunted by these emotions that no one prepared me for. 

And now here we are almost a year later and somehow, I managed to do a pretty good job at dividing all of me and being a mother to you and your sister. I've given all that I can to you and your sister and while I know sometimes I've been weak and defeated, I know that I've done the best that I can.

Just so you know, a baby and a two year old is no easy feat. 

It's amazing just how perfectly you fit into our family. All of the fears and guilt I felt were so unnecessary because it turns out that you were made for us, you were made for me. Your smile, your laugh, your cuddles and your quiet soul are things that I can't live without. My heart has expanded to depths that I didn't even know was possible and it's all because of you. I may not always be able to take as many pictures or write as many journal entries to you because well, #momlife, but I love you deeper than you can ever imagine. 

So little one of mine, I'm sorry if I wasn't perfect in the beginning and if you felt my tears and my fears. As time goes on and as our family grows and becomes even busier and more chaotic, I know there will be more fears and tears ahead of me. But just know, that I couldn't love you any more if I tried. Your love is something that I need daily. Your love is a constant reminder of how a mother's heart loves infinitely. 

I may not be perfect every day, but together I know that you and me, and your sister and daddy, are intertwined perfectly together. You are my little ray of sunshine that I knew I wanted, but didn't know just how much I needed. And learning more about you and your sister every day as you grow and become your own little people, is the best gift of all. 

You are my beautiful and perfect second baby and I am your perfectly imperfect mother. 

And we were made for each other since day one. 

When You're a Mother

By Sasha Savoy
on February 18, 2016

When You're a Mother

You'll wonder how you survived before. Motherhood is funny to me. We live our whole lives without these little people and we think that all of the spring breaks, fun nights out, good ole' college days and what not were the glory days. Sure those days were amazing and some days I'd love to revisit them, but when you have children you realize that life just began. You'll wonder how on earth you ever lived your life without these little people that you love so fiercely. 

You'll doubt yourself. There will be days that you'll yell. And days that you'll bribe your child to eat their lunch with what ever concoction of a bribe that you can come up with, and you'll end your day doubting yourself. You'll wonder just what your toddler thinks about you and if they noticed you was on your phone a little too much or if they noticed you were on edge all day. You'll always doubt yourself frequently, and that's okay. A good mother yearns to be a good mother -- so wondering if you are a good mother is actually a step into the right direction. 

You'll make mistakes. You will make mistakes no doubt. You will yell at an innocent mistake that your child makes and you'll be the one saying your sorry through tears. These moments are moments that teach us how to be better and do better. 

You're likely distracted a little too much. Whether it's distractions on your phone, distractions with work or distractions with maintaining your housework, there's a very good chance that at least one time throughout the day, you're overly distracted. The modern age is very horrible at giving us good and easy reasons to be so distracted. We are all guilty of it and the first step to fixing it, is to realize that it exists no matter what we think. When you catch yourself being distracted, fix it. It's that simple. Sit down and play...they love your company. 

You'll teach by example. Ever heard the expression that children learn by example? Well it turns out that this is 100% true. But to put things in a true perspective, YOU teach by example. Your child will learn their empathy, their communication skills and their ability to navigate this world from YOU.  Yell less, sympathize more, use calmer words and nurture like crazy. Have another child or give your child a baby doll and you'll be surprised at just how much they learned from you as a mother already. Their nurturing ways and empathy, will show you that you're doing something right. 

You'll get overwhelmed. There will be days that you will hide in the bathroom with a box of cookies while scrolling your phone for an hour (while they nap of course). It's okay -- these moments are okay to have. You may not experience it much with just one, but have two small little ones and you will need the breather. Tell your partner you need a bathroom break and stay awhile, he can manage. It's okay to admit defeat at times...even moms need a break. 

You'll occasionally forget to take care of you. This is dependent on different people. Some moms still find the time to go the salon regularly, get manicures and have girl's night frequently. Sometimes we look at that if we're the mother who never does those things and we think they are a little selfish for doing so much. But you know what, we need to take care of ourselves too. Having some time to pamper ourselves or just to get away for a bit isn't always a bad thing. Some of us never do these things and that's okay too...just don't forget that on occasion you really need to have some "me" time and do something that makes you feel good! We are our best when we feel our best. 

You'll compare, judge and envy. You'll compare yourself to many mothers that you see on social media. Whether it's comparing the meals you prepare for your child or the diapers you use, you'll compare. You'll occasionally judge others by human nature and you'll occasionally envy the mother who appears to have it all together. It's our nature to do these things, but we have to be careful because this can really weigh us down. Be proud of what YOU do and know that for your child, it is enough. 

You'll never be perfect to yourself, but you'll be perfect to your child. I know my flaws and I know my areas that I want to do better and be better at. But I know at the end of the day, my child loves me so much and thinks the world of me. Even if it wasn't my best day, I know in my child's eyes that I was supermom. 

You'll love so much that it hurts. You'll love so much that it actually hurts. This is true and it's the best feeling and the scariest feeling all at the same time. 

There's nothing in this world quite like being a mother. It's the best title and one of the most important titles we can have. And the great thing is that we are not alone, because there are many, many mothers among us to lean on, find inspiration from and relish in the highs and lows with. 

I hope you're having an awesome day as a Mother. 

Because you're pretty awesome and you deserve it. 

 

 

 

When Motherhood Gets the Best of You

By Sasha Savoy
on February 11, 2016

When Motherhood Gets the Best of You

It's not rare to find a post on Facebook or a blog such as mine that captures the very essence of motherhood so well that you're pretty sure the writer was reading your every thought. It's pretty common to come across that perfect post that captures your exact feelings that day. Perhaps it's a post about life as a stay at home mother and how tiring it can be; perhaps it's a post about having three under three; or perhaps it's a post about balancing work with motherhood. Either way, there's almost always a good post floating around that makes us feel like we're not alone. 

That's the thing about motherhood. We are never really alone. Somewhere out there is another person going through the same highs and lows as us. Somewhere is another mother who is going to bed feeling like they handled motherhood like a boss that day, but somewhere there is also that mother going to bed feeling completely unworthy and full of doubt. 

Yet sometimes we feel like not everyone gets us. 

 I've shared my exhaustion and my lows on occasion just to be met with with a comment that doesn't sit well with me. So many times I've walked away wishing that I never even opened my mouth about my day because instead of receiving a response that I had hoped would comfort me, I've walked away feeling like a bad mother for "complaining" or sharing my woes. 

So am I a bad mom for complaining or for being exhausted and occasionally wanting to run away and hibernate for just five seconds? Am I any less of a mother just because I cried that afternoon when both children cried for me at the same time, for the third time that day? Am I horrible for bribing my kid to eat lunch by promising a trip to the park? Or do I terribly suck just because I had to put the TV on for my toddler so I could chill for five minutes? 

No, not at all. 

If there's anything that sucks in the world, it's the feeling of feeling like you failed; especially at motherhood. So while I'm learning how to wisely choose what to say when I'm sharing my lows and woes of a particularly rough day, I'm also learning that it's okay. 

It's okay to have had a bad day. It's okay to have yelled a little more than you wanted to; and to have cried for yelling and then apologized for yelling. It's okay to stay in your pajamas with your kids simply because you don't feel like adulting that day. It's okay to run to Starbucks (alone) the minute your husband gets home from work simply because your day at home as a stay at home mother with two littles got the best of you. It's okay to feel like you can hardly handle the ones you have but yet you still want more. So when people say, "And you want more kids?" with that look like you can't handle the ones you have...say, "Uh...Yea."

It's simply OKAY that motherhood got the best of you. It happens. Shit happens. And people who can't relate either can't remember or simply had a totally different situation that you. Let's face it, in life we do tend to remember the good moments rather than the exhausting, rough moments (probably because we were too tired to remember those days). We don't harp on the rough days, we move on from them. 

So while I"m learning that sometimes it's just best not to always complain and sulk in your lows of the day, I'm sharing with you that it's totally okay to have them. You're not alone. You're not a failure and you're not incapable of happily raising more children and no one should make you feel otherwise. Just because two are a handful doesn't mean that you can't handle two more. 

If we walked around perfectly perfect, we'd be so boring. God knew what he was doing when he made us mothers. We're warriors, we're savages and we're strong mother-effers that can handle a throw up and a nosebleed all at once like a boss. He knew we'd be able to handle a toddler tantrum and a newborn crying excessively at the same time (even while we're crying on the inside), he knew we'd handle it well and that's why he made us MOM. It's the best title around and we know that each and every rough, tiring and crazy moment is a blessing that we can never thank the big guy enough for. We wouldn't trade a bad day in as mom for anything. 

Embrace the crazy, tread through the exhaustion, relish in your five minutes of glory thanks to Mickey, live motherhood up and have all the babies that you want. You're doing a damn good job, just like the rest of us.

We all walk a similar path, but our pavements have a slightly different texture. 

And yes, I totally get just as stressed as you; you are not alone. Good moms have rough days too. And I'm having all the babies I want and I hope you hold my hand, pat me on the back and say, "You're doing a damn good job" when I'm at my weakest.  

Because that's really all I need to hear.  

Real Mom Advice About Real Mom Crap

By Sasha Savoy
on January 27, 2016
1 comment

RealMomAdvice

You don't need that much crap for your baby. Seriously, they try to lure you in at the registry place by giving you a handy "checklist" and it all looks so enticing. You're running through the store with that scanner zapping every thing that you think your little person will need...times three. But by the time child number two comes along, you realize that you really don't need half of it and when you have more than one child, you hardly have room for anything extra in your house. So why add 10 baby contraptions to it?

Everyone is a baby wizard. Just wait until the day you have that baby and you'll see what I mean. Everyone will flood you with unsolicited advice and there's a good chance you may get flustered, annoyed and sometimes very confused and angry. Other times you will be grateful for it. Remember though, just because someone successfully kept their kid alive, doesn't mean they did it the right way or in a way in which you must follow. To each their own...

But you will sometimes want advice. Don't think you're going to just do this all on your own. Whether it's your mom, a support group, blogs like mine or Google, there are times where you'll be in search of advice. Mommy groups on Facebook are the shiz nit - they can get a little catty but it's totally worth it! 

Times change. Things can change, research can change and new information can be discovered. It's up to you to decide which advice to follow. 

Breast is normal, eating is best. We all hear the phrase "breast is best," and yea technically it is...but really you just have to do what works for you. I encourage each and every mama to breastfeed, but never beat yourself up or take crap from anyone for opting out. 

Breastfeeding Sucks. At first. Your baby latches on beautifully after birth and you're all "high on Oxytocin" and thinking that breastfeeding is pretty dang amazing and beautiful and all unicorns and shit. Fast forward to week three and you're wanting to cut your boobs off to hand to your partner to let him feed the baby. Sigh. 

But really dude, breastfeeding is pretty freaking amazing. Just make it past those first six weeks and you'll see what I mean. 

Classic toys are the best. Classic, wooden or soft toys with endless opportunities will occupy your child much longer than a blinking toy. Besides, you don't have to change the batteries on wooden or soft things and they won't creep you out at night when they randomly start singing. 

Sleep Regressions Suck. Sleep regressions are real people. Your grandma or mother may look at you funny when you talk about them, but get in a chat group with hundreds of mamas and you'll discover that over half of you experienced something called a four month sleep regression. In a nutshell, it's when your sweet angel who "Oh my gosh they sleep so good, I'm so lucky" baby decides to wake up every hour...just to ya know...say "Hey Mom." 

Don't brag about your sleeping baby. For starters, it makes the tired mamas kinda irked. Secondly, there's a really good chance your day is coming too my friend. See the point above. 

Starbucks becomes your best friend. Whether it is because you need the caffeine boost or just the "I feel like a hip adult again" you'll treasure any stop at Starbucks. Just don't expect to go in there...it's all about the drive thru now Mama. 

Diaper changes aren't fun. Seriously just wait until they learn to roll and you'll know exactly what it feels like to change the tire on a rolling car. P.S. Changing pads on top of a fancy dresser last for about 8 weeks. 

Mom wars can be real. They can be real sometimes, so just bow down and stay out of it. The best thing you can ever tell another Mama is that they're doing a great job. It's something that every mom needs to here and it means a lot when it comes from our "peers" in motherhood. 

You'll sleep again. One day. It may not be until they are in elementary school. But hey, you'll get there. 

Less is more. Whether it's about baby stuff, toys, clothes or media...less is always more. When you feel cluttered, overwhelmed or you feel like your house looks like Toys R' Us threw up inside your living room, remember that it's okay to purge. It's a really great thing actually! 

They will get over "bad" habits. So your child may sleep with you or your child may need to be rocked every night to sleep. Don't let someone tell you that "they'll never grow out of that," because I promise you...they will. I've never heard of a highschooler sleeping with their mom. 

Everyone parents differently and that's okay. So you don't want to spank your child but everyone you know does. So you don't want to give your kids sugar. Or so organic means nothing to you. Or you move your baby to their crib at two weeks old or you co sleep until kindergarten. Each parent has their own way and own beliefs. We can only rely on parenting books, advice and research for so much...after that, you do you Mama. 

 

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